Emmie (angearia) wrote,

Meaning Underneath

So I spend a lot of time thinking about meaning in writing my stories.  Like I finally figured out what I wanted to call my fic for gabrielleabelle .  I'd just named it "Yet To Be Named"  and it kinda worked because the present had yet to be named.  But it bothered me.  Just changed it now to "Fluffy Presents" because that's what Buffy receives, but more importantly that's what the story is - a fluffy present for Gabs.  And I know it's a silly name, but it's a silly story so I find it oddly fitting.

Anywho -

If you're at all interested in reading more of me wanking about my fanfic, here's some on "Thought You Should Know":

I'd said earlier here that TYSK was a story about knowledge, "how we seek it, hide from it, misunderstand it, embrace it and share it."  So the crux of the story, while it certainly has some straightforward plot, is about the distortions of truth, both in the telling and the perceiving.  Which got me to wondering how many of these truth-distortions are obvious and present:

Counting is fun!

1.  Spike's letter he sends before the final battle in NFA.  This is him baring his soul.  This is honesty.  This is truth in the telling.  Problem: because of a lie, he's not really speaking to Buffy.  The message is lost and sent to the Decoy instead.  Distorted. 
2.  In Chapter 2, Spike tries to reach out again, struggling with writing the postcard much less sending it.  The message is again lost.  No truth shared.
3.  Not only is the first letter sent to the wrong person, but the attempt to forward it is hindered by Giles wanting to keep Buffy away from complicated vampire entanglements. 
4.  The Decoy is a living manifestation of truth distorted.  Of Buffy's truth.  Who she is.  Who she was.  What she could become.  The Decoy is Buffy...except not. 
5.  Giles machinations are revealed, but he's unavailable to answer Buffy's angry tirade.  Here truth attempts to be communicated straightforwardly.  When circumstances hinder this, it leads to...
6.  Buffy lying to her friends by sending the Decoy to Scotland as a cover, ditching her Slayer responsibilities and going off to find Spike.

That's just from the first few chapters.  These distortions are present throughout the story (the most recent chapters are a clusterf#@k of distortions of truth as it's all coming to a head).  When things go wrong in this story, it's because of miscommunication.  Misunderstandings.  Misperceptions.

But what is it all leading to?  When you're lied to, what do you feel?  Betrayed.  Your trust is broken.  And in feeling this, where does it lead you?  This broken trust cripples your own ability to trust.  It's a vicious cycle.  Giles lying leads to Buffy lying, but Buffy was already lying and just keeps on lying.  Loss of faith in others also becomes a loss of faith in the self.  Once faith is lost, how do you restore it?  How do you fix a broken trust?  People often say that trust must be earned, but in reality I think trust is given for the same reasons Giles says we should offer forgiveness - because people need it.  Trusting in another even when they don't deserve it - well, yes it can end badly.  But distrusting someone when they do deserve your trust and more importantly, rely on your trust - that feels like the greater crime to me.  When you trust someone, give them the opportunity to rise to your expectations and faith, that's a beautiful thing.  And it's risky.  But isn't it worth it? 

Just something to think about in terms of where the story is headed. 
Tags: meta, thought you should know, writing

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