April 13th, 2011

Buffy - Died Twice Still Pretty

put a smile on your face

I love my new house. I love my new bed. I love my new resume. I love my new everything.

I've been busy doing lots of life stuff, really putting in an effort to get back on track after two years of spinning in circles. School's going well, I'm pursuing some great opportunities for the summer, and I feel full of purpose and direction and, wow, I've forgotten how amazing that feels.

Of course, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't also filled with insecurities and doubts and that ever-present fear of becoming, I dunno, void.

I haven't forgotten about fandom, I've just been in a big transitional phase in my personal life, so I'm not producing much creative stuff at the moment.  My day for Seasonal Spuffy is a month off, so I hope to be all settled in and ready to get my groove on by then.

I feel happy, in a contented way.  It's not like my life is perfect, my health isn't so great, my personal life is kinda a wreck.  But it's like I'm rebuilding that wreck and I can see a future not too far away where I'll no longer be living in a disaster zone.  It's wonderful to be able to grasp opportunities and gain forward momentum.  For the longest time it felt like my hands were too weak to grip the reins and I'd just lose control.

It just feels good now.  I feel good.  I sang in the shower for the first time in the past two years.  I used to sing all the time and I never even noticed that I just stopped.  My dad tells me I used to sing to myself as a baby.  I wouldn't cry, I'd just sing.  I was in my school's choir and I actually was pretty good.  I got chosen to sing the solo part for "My Heart Will Go On".  (I know!  Titanic had just been released, okay?)  Singing's always been my thing and then it was just gone for a really long time.

I'm singing again. ♥

How is everyone? I feel like LJ's gotten so quiet! Is anybody out there? *echoes*