Fandom: Why do you love Spike?
Buffy: “So, okay, I’ve done the whole vampire thing before and it ended badly. Like 'rip your heart out and stomp on it' bad. And I didn’t mean to go there again. Ever. But then he started always being around when I needed him. And doing things for me. Basically, stalking me. Creature of the night and blah blah. Whatever, it was gross. And creepy. And that was before he tazed me and chained me up in the basement of his crypt. Have I mentioned how much I don’t love ultimatums?
Coming back from the sidebar-y tangent, I was done. The obsession got out of hand and I had to shut him down, shut him up and shut him out. Then he… he protected Dawn. It made me think there might be something more to it. With vampires love is all about the sex and the violence and oh my god, hurt me baby ‘cause that’s hot. Except he kept showing up when I was at my lowest. And he’d just sit next to me, all quiet and silent. I could be… okay, I could be alone with him there. Except I wasn’t alone. It was… it was nice. And I don’t know when I started counting on him to be there. I really don’t know when I started feeling like I needed him. Or wanted him. I mean, I always knew he was kinda hot, but I had this whole kneejerk ‘ew, gross, wrong’ reaction going for me whenever I saw him. And it worked really well for a couple years.
Anyways, sex. And violence. Lots of violence. And I hated myself for giving in but still needing it. Needing him. It didn’t… it didn’t end well. I mean, how could it? I hurt him and he… he hurt me. You always hurt the one you love, right? And that should’ve been the end. He left town and that was it. I’m used to guys leaving. They always leave. It’s all a part of the ‘rip your heart out and stomp on it’ badness. But then he came back. He came back and he was insane and… I don’t know why he did it. I mean, why only he could do it and not... Spike got his soul back. I still don’t understand how that’s even possible. Evil’s evil, but he chose to be good. To give penance. To…
I can’t really explain it, but when I look at him, when I’m with him, I just know. This is love.”
Fandom: Why do you love Buffy?
Spike: “She’s… she’s Buffy.”
* Crossposted here at the Whedonland community.